Thursday, August 3, 2017

Becoming Cozy in the Discomfort of New

Hi Rachel,

So you're married first off. And second off, your wedding was so glorifying to God. So many veil thin moments. Aside from seeing you walk down the aisle as a bride and your husband preaching the gospel at the reception, I just felt his peace and presence the whole day. Thank you for inviting me and every person you interacted with that day to look beyond the trivialities of a celebration into the greater celebration we will one day experience - in Heaven with our Maker.

And now we're back in our respective spots, living another day, and for you - living into an entirely new season!

For me, this entire year of working I've experienced "new" and "change" and "transition" and "different-than-what-I'm-used-to" - as we've discussed being one who likes control and predictability, this ain't so cozy. I feel like I'm wearing a scratchy sweater and all I want is my bathrobe. But alas, it's noon and I still have 5 hours of work before heading home and "changing-into-pajamas" time.

Being involved in new projects and being assigned new roles has brought with it both excitement and a tinge of fear. Fear, mostly, that I might fail and be seen as I truly am - a human in progress. That's uncomfortable. I'm comfortable when I know how others will perceive me. But in this season I have had to get much clarification. Which doesn't come from me guessing and being right. It has come from being dependent on my superiors, my mentors, my co-workers, and asking questions. It takes admitting that I don't know what I'm doing. But how do I expect myself to know? It's new. The baby isn't expected to walk across the room when she just learned how to take her first step. She steps, falls, and everyone laughs! She's trying and it's cute and it's okay.

Overtime, this scratchy, uncomfortable sweater I call Change, that was once "new" has become worn and I've learned to like the way it fits on me. It continues to shape me and refine the way I perceive my circumstances - God can do new as I step into the discomfort, trusting Him because He's gone before me. And along with that, it has truly humbled me - it's been my daily dose of humble pie - "how do I say this? what do I do if I need this? is this wrong? can you help me?" I'm learning and it's new and that's uncomfortable but THAT IS OK.

We're all new to something and can learn from one another if we allow ourselves to be seen and give others the opportunity to expose themselves as they truly are. God's beloved work in progress.


P.S. sorry if this letter contains errors. it's from the heart and i've been copy editing so much that I just wanted to give you my raw, unfiltered, creative spirit. Thanks for grace in that.

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